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August, 2004

Friday the 13th
(Friday, August 13 2004, 3:22 pm)

Today is Friday the 13th and my last day in Waterloo. Though I dont like this city, I don't wanna leave it. For the thousandth time in my life, gotta start packing. I'm gonna miss this place.

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Four months later
(Friday, August 13 2004, 6:06 am)

Another four months gone! living life four months at a time is really weird. You wake up one morning and your realize that one part of your life has just ended. The term is over. Everything you had worked for in the preceding four months is now behind you. For 3 days you are in an intermediate stage. 3 days off before you start a new life. Knowing that this upcoming life will last 4 months and then you will start another one.

The good news is I have 2 more of these short lives left, and then the patterns will change. My life will be renewed the way I want it in exactly 8 months. I will hopefully graduate at that time, and move on with my life.

Meanwhile though its back to this life, the next four months will be in San Jose, California. Where I will live without my family and my girl friend for four months. Four LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG months. Four months that I'm not looking forward to. I wanna stay here, but it is impossible. I have to go and its hopefully for the best. Who knows whats best. I guess I'm mostly going for other's satisfaction than my own. Gotta prove something true, that I know is not true.

The four months in Cali last winter where probably the hardest 4 months of my life. Its not easy living in a foreign city, all by yourself, away from your loved ones. I did it once, and I survived, but I hardly doubt I can go through it again. I will probably break down and decompose in these 4 months. I’m really not looking forward to it. I wanna be left alone to do what I want. Its not possible cause its probably not my life.

If you are reading this, look forward for much more posts as I will be leaving for Cali in 14 days and I will have too much time on my hands with a lot of complaints to write about, but I’m not gonna write complaints like this anymore as it wont help! It wont help me through the four months and it will defiantly not help Leyli either, so why do it.

I need to somehow keep myself busy in these four months, to take my thoughts away from whats important, to trick myself into thinking nothing is wrong. To trick myself into thinking I’m doing the right thing. Though if there is one thing I’m not good at, its tricking myself.

Who am I kidding.

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